I didn’t do a speech for my husband’s 50^th birthday party.  Don’t judge me…the one he delivered on our wedding day was totally improvised (GET IN! I’ve waited a loooong time for the right moment to mention that [cheeky wink]).  But if I had made a speech, it would have gone something like this:

Dear friends

So Hubster has turned 50.  Yep, 50.  Oh my Gawd, FIFTY!!   Thank you, I’m holding up okay.  Your concern is touching.  If you wish to buy me a Mojito or two (or fifty…bloody hell that number again) to help me drown my sorrows, I shan’t stop you.  But this isn’t about me.

I can’t deny, I woke up on his birthday, looked at the man next to me, thought “Holy Crap, I’m married to a 50 year old” and then immediately blurted it out on Facebook.  What can I say?  The sharing was therapeutic.  He might be the one who’s turned 50 but I’m the one having the damned mid-life crisis. 

Why am I having a mid-life crisis? BECAUSE I’M MARRIED TO A 50 YEAR-OLD, THAT’S WHY. Please do keep up!  Ok, about me again…

It was also our kids’ Sports Day that day and erm, I suggested that he take part in the Fathers’ 50m Sprint. Again, what can I say? I thought it was a cool idea for him to run 50m on his 50th.  Um…about that…poor guy…running and sprinting are not the same, especially when you haven’t done any exercise in months…or more importantly haven’t sprinted in about 25 years…or even more importantly you’re 50!

I didn’t fare much better, despite being a runner.  There I was thinking “50m sprint? I’ve got two half marathons and a race trophy to my name, people.  I’ll nail this.” Um…about that….poor misguided woman…running and sprinting are not the same…my thighs still bloody hurt.  But there I go making it about me again.

So let me talk about birthday boy instead.  To this amazing man whom I call hubster, I say:

YOU’RE A ‘TYPICAL BLOKE’. (I love it.)
You have this amazing ability to zone everything out and concentrate – to the point of deafness – when working or watching a football match.  BUT when two women kiss on Greys Anatomy, you suddenly sit bolt upright and swivel your head a full 360 like the kid in Exorcist.  See?  Typical bloke.

YOU DON’T GO IN FOR DRAMA OR OVER-REACTING.
Of course, it would be nice if you raised an eyebrow in excitement occasionally and please don’t say “I do when Man U score” or “you react enough for the both of us babe”.

YOU’RE A RELIABLE SELF-EFFACING TOWER OF STRENGTH.
When friends or family need you, you’re there.  Enough said.

YOU STILL MAKE ME LAUGH ALL THESE YEARS LATER.

Man, I’m absolutely stuffed. I couldn’t possibly eat another thing…for at least another 10 minutes…where are those biscuits you bought by the way?

 

Actually, why is it called the menopause if only women get it?

 

It’s lamb… Of course this kid is going to take ages to eat a bit of meat: she chews soup!

are just a few of the (publishable) hubster classics over the years.

However, when M was moaning that she was bored and didn’t know what to play, you probably took things a bit too far with: “Why don’t you just go and sit on your bed and stare at the ceiling?” .

YOU’RE THE HARDEST WORKER I’VE EVER MET.
(Mind you, my mum and my sister M.E. are close contenders). I have never met anyone with the resilience under pressure, the mental strength and the sheer mind-boggling drive with which you are blessed. Maybe you were not naturally blessed with it? Maybe you worked at developing all that? Even more impressive in my book.

YOU’RE A MAN’S MAN. Hallelujah!
You need your male buddy time and you jolly well deserve it…and yet you know how to talk to women.  My female friends love you.  Again, LOVE it.

YOU’RE NOT WIRED THE SAME WAY AS MOST PEOPLE I KNOW.
This is a cool thing (mainly):
– You don’t expect anything of others (apart from me laundering your tidy whities and putting them back in the drawer) so you waste very little time being disappointed; I wish I could master this. (The downer is that because you expect so little of others, you don’t think that they may/should expect something of you.)
– You’re forgiving and non judgemental. HOW do you do that?!
– You don’t let yourself get weighed down by the kind of crap that bothers most of us. You just don’t give it energy.
– You don’t follow conventional norms (which can be a real pisser but I’ve learned to live with it).
– You don’t ‘get’ that kids are just kids. I’m guilty of it too. Let’s not have a contest about which one of us is worse. Let’s just let them be kids ok?
– You don’t feel wonder or curiosity in the world around you the same way as me…shall we change that?
Well, I said this bit was mainly cool baby.

YOU ARE FLEXIBLE, UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORTIVE IN SOOOO MANY WAYS.
There is nothing you won’t do.
Apart from DIY.
But it’s your birthday party and I don’t want to start a fight.

YOU’RE A GENTLEMAN. A REAL FIRST CLASS INDISPUTABLE GENTLEMAN.
I knew it from really early on. I also knew that (luckily for me) you know when not to be 😉

YOU’RE JUST A REALLY GOOD MAN.
You know?
Last but not least:

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YOU ARE A BRILLIANT DECISION MAKER.

You married me didn’t you?  Very. Clever. Decision.

Oh come on, you didn’t honestly think I would make it all about you, did you?