Home Funny Ones Extreme Beauty Craze Claims Mum of Three as First Victim

Extreme Beauty Craze Claims Mum of Three as First Victim

by Prabs
Published: Last Updated on

The eyebrows obsession, that is taking over the world almost ended a woman’s life recently when she fainted at a well-known makeup store after being greeted by an assistant with “unbelievably awful eyebrows”.

Mother of three, Mrs Prabulous, lives in Malta and was in the UK to visit family and attend a blogging event.  She had entered the store in a desperate attempt to find an eyebrow product/anymotherfreakinthing that would work, after her youngest child had helpfully [sarcasm] asked one morning over breakfast: “Mummy where have your eyebrows gone?” This immediately prompted Mrs Prabulous to 1) find out exactly where her bloody eyebrows had indeed gone 2) stop eating breakfast with her children. 

Staff at the central London outlet of the high brow (see what we did there) cosmetic brand SMAC (a fitting name considering what Mrs Prabulous wants to do to all these silly women) admitted they spotted Mrs Prabulous looking totally overwhelmed.  One assistant, who didn’t wish to be named, said she heard the mother muttering expletives in the eye make up section which boasts a baffling 13 types of mascara, 11 different  eyeliners (seriously? 11 ways to draw a line?!), 17 ‘must-have’ eyebrow products and who knows how many eyeshadows.

After hearing what she thought sounded like Mama Prabulous mumbling ‘Operation Relocate Eyebrows…Kill Me Now’, an enthusiastic assistant apparently approached Mrs Prabulous offering to help.  Unfortunately, the assistant’s eyebrows were as enthusiastic as her helpful expression: it was at this point that the avoidable incident happened.

According to an alarmed employee with alarming eyebrows (or perhaps she merely looked alarmed because of her eyebrows…it’s quite the vicious circle really…),

The victim’s face like twisted upon seeing the assistant like and her expression like seemed to go from like simple surprise to like ‘Dear girl who did this to you?’ to like ‘Good grief you look like that on purpose?’ to ‘What the actual bloody f**k?!’ in a matter of like seconds. She then tried to steady herself by grabbing onto a shelf before crashing to the ground, taking the shelf with her. Like.

Thankfully, none of the makeup was damaged.

 

 

The SMAC employee told our reporter that she has never seen anything like it in all her years.  (Funnily enough, Mrs Prabulous said the same thing about the assistant’s eyebrows.)

Mrs Prabulous (whom our reporter described as particularly churlish about being described as a pint-sized middle-aged British Asian mother of three) is now back home in Malta where she is recovering from her Ambush by Eyebrow.   Nothing But The Spoof managed to secure an exclusive interview with the pint-sized British Asian mother of three (oops we did it again) about her ordeal. 

Mrs Prabulous said that noticing the assistant’s bizarre forehead was the last straw during her UK visit, where she found it virtually impossible to go anywhere without having one’s personal space invaded by dramatic brows, over-arching in their ambition.  Literally.  She admitted this was not the UK she remembers growing up and living in for most of her life.

Mrs Prabulous almost abandoned her crucial shopping plans after it became clear that UK stores apparently no longer employ a single person with even remotely normal eyebrows.

She considered leaving Buckstars empty-handed because the barista’s 15mm high 10 cm long hair architecture put her right off her tall wet soya caramel cinnamon ‘is this even coffee anymore?’ latte:

I genuinely tried politely responding to the assistants serving me but I just kept getting distracted by the scary dark slugs above their eyelids which looked remarkably like my 7 year old’s drawings of Darth Vader,

she explained, admitting that she still hasn’t figured out who exactly was serving her: the girl or the eyebrows? 

Quite frankly, the latter seemed to have a personality all of their own…

she said.

 

 

During the two hour interview, which left our male reporter shocked at just how long an agitated woman can talk about eyebrows…not to mention considering reshaping his own once he got home…

Mrs Prabulous mentioned her growing confusion over Browgate, stating that one’s eyebrows are simply meant to frame one’s face, not totally overshadow it.  In fact, she felt that some of these girls have brows so huge, they literally do cast a shadow over their face.  She then went on a veritable rant about the eyebrow mania that seems to be sweeping the globe.

I speak French fluently, still remember my A-level German and have basic Italian and Spanish. But I  haven’t got a chuffing clue what High Definition, Microblading or Extreme Eyebrows mean.  And if anybody mentions the Kardashians having ‘inspirational brows’, I may actually garotte them with my potato peeler,

she said, before going on to describe her bemusing experience of travelling on London Underground.  

Mrs Prabulous expressed her surprise that more women on the trains don’t need an extra seat for their eyebrows, exclaiming (rather caustically) that it’s a miracle airlines and rail networks haven’t spotted a clear money-making opportunity by requiring these women to buy a separate ticket for their ‘over eye luggage’.  (We can reveal her transport reference included profanity which Nothing But the Spoof is unwilling to print as as this is a reputable newspaper that only produces high quality journalism…and if you believe that, bless you because obviously that is nothing but a spoof).

 

Unfortunately, we cannot print the rest of the interview as it all got a bit too hairy.  [Pats self on the back.]

However, as our reporter was leaving, he heard the bewildered mother – whose age we still don’t bloody know – mumbling something about being ‘too old for this s**t’ and frothing:

What I want to know is, if there’s this much hair action going on on top, what on EARTH is happening downstairs?!!

before rushing off to make sure her preteen wasn’t doing something idiotic with dad’s trimmer.

Honestly, it’s enough to raise one’s eyebrows…


via GIPHY

 

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44 comments

Turning Up In Devon February 26, 2018 - 9:30 am

Not mad keen on hairy caterpillar type brows, or pencilling in with abandon, somewhere between would be good! Very funny post as always #fridayfrolics

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prabs February 26, 2018 - 5:31 pm

Pencilling in with abandon, lol. Love it!

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Wendy May 24, 2017 - 10:59 am

I think this is one my favourite blog posts ever, can not stop laughing. I don’t understand the whole eyebrow thing either, I have too much to do in life than draw on massive browse anyway!xx #BlogCrush

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prabs May 24, 2017 - 2:46 pm

ha ha ah I’m glad it made you laugh so much. it was a hoot to write that’s for sure.

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Petite Words May 19, 2017 - 11:15 am

HA HA AH HA! It’s one of those things people just get blind to, I say IGNORE trends (fashion, makeup and otherwise). I honestly think it’s the designers way of taking the piss! #blogcrush

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Heather Burnett May 18, 2017 - 12:19 am

LOVE IT!!! I’ve been so concerned about my eyebrows…wondering if they would ever be on fleek…Thanks for the new perspective! #globalblogging

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Crummy Mummy May 17, 2017 - 5:11 pm

I’m quite glad big eyebrows are ‘in’ as mine tend to have a mind of their own… #coolmumclub

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Susie at This is me now May 17, 2017 - 9:42 am

Hahaha this is so funny grabs. I blame that girl off the rimmel ads – Clara someone!?! There’s a strong look, and well, a strong look! #coolmumclub

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prabs May 17, 2017 - 9:50 am

ooh I don’t know. my rimmel days are behind me don’t you know. I go to SMAC now 🙂

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Jo (MotherofTeenagers) May 15, 2017 - 8:48 am

Priceless. I am so with you, having grown up in the era of pencil thin and natural eyebrows I find this modern fascination with drawing on a large mono brow beyond bizarre, where are these girls’ mothers? Have they not noticed? My fear is that my eldest teen will appear with a girl on his arm one day with something similar. Thanks so much for linking. #TweensTeensBeyond

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prabs May 15, 2017 - 10:31 am

Oh my goodness you’ve made me howl on a Monday morning!

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Hannah Jane May 14, 2017 - 10:57 pm

Oh lovely, this is brilliantly hilarious! I must say I am guilty of a little eyebrow filling but some really do take them to the extreme, they can be so distracting! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

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prabs May 14, 2017 - 11:05 pm

I have to admit I do love the pencil I bought from SMAC ssshhhh

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Annette, 3 Little Buttons May 14, 2017 - 4:50 pm

Haha! That’s priceless. Only you could write this. *Runs off to check eyebrows. Thanks for sharing with the #DreamTeam x

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prabs May 14, 2017 - 8:47 pm

Ha ha I hope that’s not a bad thing lol. Thanks love

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Mum in Brum May 12, 2017 - 10:41 pm

Hahahaha! Hilarious Prabs! Loved this and totally agree- I literally can’t stop looking at some people’s brows when I speak to them. I know that we were bad with the overplucking, but it’s been taken to a new level these days!! Hoping this craze will have passed by the time Taylor becomes interested in makeup! By the way – you need Wunderbrow if you just want to fill yours in a bit. I think they use it to gain the slug effect too, but obviously it depends how much you use! #coolmumclub x

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prabs May 12, 2017 - 11:20 pm

ok I’m secretly thankful for that product tip. Sssshhhhh don’t tell anyone! Thanks for reading Hun x

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Cheryl @ Tea or Wine May 12, 2017 - 7:35 pm

Oh my goodness this is hilarious Prabs! I almost spat out my wine!! I completely and utterly agree and often feel like fainting myself. I have no idea what this huge eyebrow trend is all about. They should definitely frame and not overshadow! Are we old because we just don’t get this trend or are these girls completely oblivious to just how bizarre it can look?! Either way I do hope Mrs Prabs has soon recovered from her ordeal!! #CoolMumClub x

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prabs May 12, 2017 - 9:25 pm

lol thanks Cheryl. Sorry you nearly wasted precious wine

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Emma Island Living 365 May 12, 2017 - 10:15 am

Eye don’t browlieve it. Sorry, very poor attempt an eyebrow pun. I will stop now before it gets even more hairy (sorry I am now just stealing from you 😉 ) I am embracing the slugs because I have two mahoosive ones due to the fact that I am too lazy and can’t be bothered taming the wild slugs that are living on my face. However, mine are not as extreme as the ones you refer to! That is really is another level #FridayFrolics

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prabs May 12, 2017 - 12:09 pm

that pun is utter genius!!! I may have to steal that lol.

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Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) May 11, 2017 - 9:26 pm

Sounds quite traumatic! You’re braver than me for even going near those counters and brows. My brows would not be tolerated by them so I will steer clear indefinitely! #DreamTeam

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prabs May 12, 2017 - 12:07 pm

ha ha stay clear I say! thanks for reading

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MMT May 11, 2017 - 8:14 pm

I have no idea where I stand on the whole eyebrow trend of late. It’s been bugging me a while now, ever since Miss Cara Delavigne came on the scene – yes she’s pretty, but what’s with the eyebrows? Kinda weird no?
Another part of me is somewhat relieved as my daughters appear to have inherited my monobrow courtesy of my mediterranean roots. You won’t have noticed this when we met as I pluck my eyebrows twelve times a day. But my girls can perhaps have a naturally occurring on-point brow status… maybe.
Off to scrutinise your instagram for our brows…
Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

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prabs May 11, 2017 - 8:51 pm

Ha 12 times a day.

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Mess and Merlot May 11, 2017 - 12:22 pm

My eyebrows seem to be disappearing by the day which seems very cruel given the current trend for mad furry catepillar styles. I was in Boots yesterday looking for a replacement brow pencil – OMG how many brow products???? At least the models in the promo shots look beautiful, unfortunately somewhere between Boots and every teenage girl’s bedroom things appear to have gone HORRIBLY wrong!! #coolmumclub

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Nicola Kentisbeer May 10, 2017 - 7:54 pm

I’m howling because I was born with eyebrows like this. It’s OK don’t panic – they’re not like it now! Well we spend our whole lives trying to get rid of hair and this lot are painting it all back on. They’ll all have beards & moustaches before we know it! Brilliant post and welcome to #tweensteensbeyond

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prabs May 10, 2017 - 9:33 pm

Oh my God Nicky thank heavens you took it the right way! Glad you enjoyed and thanks for hosting.

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Tubbs May 10, 2017 - 11:02 am

I am reliably informed by an expert – my thirteen year old – I have great eyebrows. I have no clue what this actually means but I’m assuming it’s a good thing. I don’t know what I actually do to achieve this, but my brows look nothing like the ones in the photos. Thank the Lord!!!!!

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prabs May 10, 2017 - 11:24 am

That’s brilliant. We must be doing something right if we both have kids of that age who think the same thing.

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JAne Taylor Maflingo May 9, 2017 - 9:23 pm

Love this!!!!! You are not alone, lady!!! I just don’t get it!!!!! Then again, I’ve never had a manicure, fake tan or pedicure…I only discovered hair straighteners in my 30’s after spending my 20’s looking like a crazed muppet!!! Now crazed muppet eyebrows are in!!! Brilliant prabs!

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prabs May 9, 2017 - 9:27 pm

I finally started doing manicures a year ago. But I’m soooooo rubbish I then leave them to rot on my broken nails. I’m just not into the uber grooming at all. Thanks for reading!

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Rhyming with Wine May 9, 2017 - 8:28 pm

Prabs! This is one of the best things I’ve read in ages! I thought it was just me that had a total aversion to the humungabrow revolution? My own sister has had a pair tattooed on and keeps showing me videos of microblading under some sort of illusion that I’ll be impressed by the whole ridiculous carry on. I have brows. I yank a few straggly wanderers out every now and then if they go off piste and end up around my chin somewhere. That’s pretty much it. I don’t need to define them. It’s enough that I carry them around on my face all day. This has just made my evening and my cheeks now ache. Thanks! 🙂 #DreamTeam x

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prabs May 9, 2017 - 8:37 pm

Oh my goodness my husband did say the post may put some noses out of joint because everyone knows someone who’s got the slug brows! So glad you found it funny. There are some who have taken it a bit too seriously which is another form of comedy right there. Thanks for the fab comment.

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Helena May 9, 2017 - 8:21 pm

I was unaware of it. Then again I’m unaware of all the trends. #candidcuddles

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MomOfTwoLittleGirls May 9, 2017 - 12:47 pm

Puntastic!!! Love this.
#candidcuddles

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prabs May 9, 2017 - 2:04 pm

ha ha I love that word! that’s a keeper. thank you.

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Fi - Beauty Baby and Me May 9, 2017 - 7:54 am

OMG Prabs! All I can say is you’ve seriously put a smile back on my face! This is genius! xxx #candidcuddles

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prabs May 9, 2017 - 9:16 am

glad it made you smile lovely. had fun writing it that’s for sure!

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Liz Deacle May 9, 2017 - 7:53 am

Love it Prabs !
I’m a little worried as my nearly 16 year old boy said to me the other day that he wanted to do something with his eyebrows …Whhaaat???
#candidcuddles

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prabs May 9, 2017 - 9:16 am

ah glad you enjoyed it but mercy me…PLEASE HAVE A WORD with your son lol

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Heather Keet May 8, 2017 - 9:21 pm

I laughed so hard I could barely breathe!!!! #CandidCuddles

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Kirsty - Winnettes May 8, 2017 - 2:55 pm

I think if no other lesson was learned it is that having breakfast with your children is dangerous! Goodness only knows what these girls are doing breeding caterpillars on their foreheads…. I’m a little scared that we may be reaching plague proportions. As for the ‘down below’ question rumour has it there is such a thing as Brazilian regret and women are actually having hair transplanted back in!! We’re officially back to 70’s liberation. #BigPinkLink

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justsayingmum May 8, 2017 - 8:18 am

Just hilarious! I hear you Mrs Prabulous. I hear you! What has the world come to? Is anyone safe? Can we hope to get through one day without being confronted by, what I can only call, the slug?!

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