…because there’s just no point!
REVISED AND REPUBLISHED.
I sounded off at Musical M last night and said something I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have said. Oh if only I could channel my inner Mother Teresa in such moments. (Problem is I don’t HAVE an inner Mother Teresa to channel.)
After they’d gone to bed, I got to thinking about this apparently never-ending pattern of behaviour where I come out with comments I simply wish I hadn’t, in dealing with my cherubs. Honestly, sometimes I could bang my head against our crayon-adorned walls in shame because I have a feeling I’ll be paying therapy bills in a few years.
So if you recognise yourself in the list below (pretty please tell me I don’t own the franchise on saying this kind of stuff), here’s hoping these words only cross your mind and not your lips. (As for me, hopefully one day, I’ll actually practise what I preach. One day…)
For the love of God, why are ALL your clothes on the floor?!
Because it’s the floordrobe. (Boom tish.)
Why can’t you carry your own jacket? Do I look a coat hook?
You have arms don’t you?
Let this be the last time I say this.
Oh Honey…who are you kidding? You know damn well you will be saying whatever ‘this’ is until the day they leave home or you die, whichever comes first. (Sorry.)
Do I have to do everything for you?
How many times have I told you [x, y, z]?
They take this question at face value and stand there confused and desperately trying to work out how many times you have actually told them. (I swear to God, sometimes…)
I’ll make you laugh the other side of your face.
Go ahead. I’d love to see you try…and so would your kid who’ll be thinking ‘Awesome! Can you do it in front of my friends…purleeeeeze?’
For real? How do you not hear me calling your name when your right in front of me?
Show me a parent who has figured this one out.
You just WAIT til your father gets home.
So he can do what? Swing them around in the air, roll around on the rug with them and then hand them over to you to do the bedtime routine while he falls asleep on the sofa?
You’re perfectly capable of making your bed. Who do you think I am? The maid?
Make sure you’ve got everything with you. I’m NOT going back in the house.
Yeah right. You know you’re getting out of that car at least three times (and that’s just to fetch the things that YOU forgot).
How LONG does it take to get your shoes on?
A real f*cking long time. That’s how long.
So you could barely eat 4 mouthfuls of dinner because you weren’t hungry but have room for 2 portions of dessert?
Don’t really need to say anything do I?
How could you have lost a third lunchbox?
About that…remember that time you lost an entire bag of shopping/a baby buggy/€250… No? Just me then.
What on earth are you doing up there? Putting your clothes on or sewing them first?
I’m the only in my house who thinks sarcasm is funny.
Jeez Louise how long does it take to eat dinner?
You know what? The more you ask, the slower they get.