A mother of three is being treated for exhaustion as another school year draws to a close. Our Daily Fail undercover reporter (posing as a stressed dad with Man Flu) managed to obtain a copy of the hospital record containing Mrs Prabulous’s stated reasons for seeking help.
Amongst her sins were:
Failing to RSVP to birthday party invites.
Telling her youngest there were no more spaces at an after-school activity because she “couldn’t bear to spend one more minute in the chuffing car to get there”.
Not checking homework folders for two months.
Hardly ever remembering “that blasted library book”.
The petite British Asian mum who lives in a four bedroom house by the sea in Malta (this is the Daily Fail so we love to throw in irrelevant rubbish like that and call it journalism) made another confession.
One of her biggest crimes of the school year was feeling actual relief when her eldest went down with a suspected case of chicken pox, forcing the whole family to miss a school social event.
“I nearly did a jig in the middle of the lounge upon realising that I was off the hook having to make entire trays of tandoori chicken for the British table at the biggest event of the school year. Wrong. Attitude.”
A senior consultant at the clinic that deals mainly in treating Syndrome of The Underachieving Chronically Knackered Yelling (SUCKY) Mother said “This is not an isolated case. We’ve actually seen a sharp rise in this sort of case over the last few weeks. It’s not unusual for stressed out mothers to be admitted complaining of lunch box boredom, school project frustration, PTA exhaustion and utter dread over ‘that stupid new maths long division method’. However, if I’m honest, this is the most severe case we’ve treated so far.
“Mrs Prabulous is not just suffering from run of the mill fatigue. Upon closer analysis, we noticed serious symptoms of general disorganisation and apathy. When interviewed upon her arrival, she admitted she:
– has considered giving her kids a packet of crackers and a jar of nutella between them and “just letting them fight it out in the playground” as she was tired of coming up with lunches that all three would finish.
– was the last parent to pay for end of year teachers’ gifts
– resorted to using her five year-old’s Hello Kitty markers to write the children’s names on clothing as she never got round to ordering name labels. Ever.
– got the school start date wrong once leading her kids to miss the first two days of term.”
Mothers at her children’s school have been shocked by the developments. “We always knew she wasn’t the most organised or involved of mothers but this is a shock” said one who did not wish to be named.
The Daily Fail’s special investigations unit has learned that the clinic was full of mothers repeatedly asking “Is it wine o’f*ckingclock yet?”, clutching crumpled unsigned class trip forms and muttering something about waiting for the final bell on the last day before collapsing at the finish line.
Doctors have identified the condition suffered by Mrs Prabulous. It is called Sheer Relief.
It is often replaced by another disorder 48 hours later: Omg-they’re-home-for-two-months-itis.
81 comments
[…] and Scatty Mama are medium-bodied wines that suit the parent adjusting to a new routine now that their child has entered the school system. These go especially well with supervising homework (may I suggest a discreet plastic cup so that […]
[…] He had excitedly placed his tooth under the pillow – BIG moment – and I wished him and the girls goodnight, making a mental note to fetch a coin once he was asleep. I went back down, told Hubster about the tooth and…promptly forgot about it myself. Ironically, I forgot because after cleaning up the kitchen, I got busy writing a post about what I’ve learned since becoming a mum. Clearly, I must have learned to not put the damned tooth fairy money under the pillow. Honestly, my scatty mother behaviour has become so legendary that an actual newspaper article has been written about me. […]
Ha, ha! I imagine most mums are feeling like this at the moment. I struggle just to keep with the day to day, and our little one is only in nursery. I’m sure nursery school in September is going to require a whole other level of organisation! I cant say im looking forward to feeling like this at the end of each term and then having the challenge of keeping the little one entertained for 6+ weeks. I guess thats where wine o’clock comes in 😉 Emily #DreamTeam
This is AMAZING! You’re so clever 🙂 But how big are your kids’ backpacks?! What on earth do they have in there?
Dead bodies. Don’t tell anyone. Oh…wait…
Kids are excellent smugglers aren’t they, no-one ever suspects the kids!
Checked the school bag and found a pair of accident pants in a nappy bag….when from??? epic mum fail!
#StayClassyMama
Ha ha sssh your secret’s safe with me.
Haha! Well, it’s better to get school start date wrong & miss the first two days than to get it wrong & leave your kids at school alone for two days, right? Mine aren’t even in school & I already make up crap about why we can’t do activities I don’t want to face!
Thanks so much for linking up to #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time!
Good luck…I wish you strength.
Right. So my Miss Tot starts school next September so that gives you a year to please sell up, move back to the UK (Yorkshire this time) and have a 4 year old. I neeeeeed you to be my mum friend at the school gates. I will flounder without you. I cannot even remember the old way to do long division…
Brilliant Prabs! Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x
Awww bless you. I’ll think about it lol.
This is sheer genius, I adore you. I think I’m going to be a terrible school mum. All those things to remember and places to be on time, not my forte at all! #fartglitter
Ha ha thanks Ellen, nice to be adored (for erm basically admitting I’m ruddy hopeless!)
Totes hilaire! I have obviously been suffering from an acute attack of SUCKY mum too and was actually last seen under a pile of end of term letters rocking! 5 more days and I’m hanging on by my fingernails #fartglitter
Hanging on by the fingernails. LOL! Love it. Glad you enjoyed.
Please do a Christmas version of this one. x Thanks for linking this up to #FridayFrolics
Ha I’ll see what I can do!
Popping back again! And still loving it! WHOOP. Although has reminded me that school finished yesterday and I forgot to return the library books. ARGH! Thanks for linking up with #FridayFrolics
Thanks love. One of my personal faves if I’m honest.
I laughed out loud at this but also felt a little relieved that I wasn’t the only one who makes these mistakes! I got the term dates wrong with my son back in infants, only realised when I got a phone call from the school secretary asking where Lewis had been for the last three days as I thought they started the week after! Mortified!! #fridayfrolics
There are more of ‘us’ than people realise..
Oh this is brilliant, just read it for the first time and prompty remembered that I need to RSVP to a birthday invite. I have also moved my flights to Brit Mums so that I can go to the evening shindig and I have just realised that this this means I will miss sports day. Yep, I should be in the Daily Fail :-/
Ooh fab news about BML! Erm I mean oh what a shame re sports day.
So glad it’s not just me!
Hee hee no!
I love this! And I am totally with you in the epic fail department! and that new long division method??! WTF?!!
lol cheers Helena!
Amazing! I can’t believe you got the term dates wrong – I actually laughed aloud!
I’m hopeless. I surpassed myself.
I LOVE this! haha too funny!! Third time I have read it. 🙂
Wow third time…fab!
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes (Sorry for the rubbish comment, but I have left a real one above 🙂 )
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Made me giggle second time reading too 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
Ha it’s one of my faves lol. Glad you liked it again.
So funny – love the aside “this is the Daily Fail remember…we love to throw in totally irrelevant shit like that and pretend it’s real journalism” – spot on! Thanks so much for sharing on #effitfriday !
I was just thinking I love that bit too (modesty is so overrated). I love that you loved it.
I’m a first time mum-to-be and frankly, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about the thought of this now being my life. It sounds like hell, but this… kind of makes it sound worth it in the end, somehow. I’m certainly going to get ready to be on the front pages of the Daily Fail in the very near future! x
#effitfriday
All I can say is good luck!
I loved this post. I love the newspaper report styling, so creative! You are also not the only one who feels this way. As a parent who has ADHD I can attest to having many of the same issues. Trying to keep up on deadlines and events and paying for field trips takes it toll. As excited as I am that the school term is nearly done, I may too start suffering from Omg-They’re-Home-For-Two-Months itis as well! 🙂 #wineandboobs
Thanks Tania! ADHD is no laughing matter so I sympathise with what you say. Thanks for reading!
Haha love this! I’m a mix as being home schoolers we don’t get the events of school situations that fill us with dread. Although the constant going brings exhaustion! Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky hope to see you there this week
Thanks so much Martyn!
LOVE THIS! Whilst I am yet to suffer the school routine, I do manage to maintain a series of EPIC fails on a daily basis when it comes to feeding, nap times, nappy changing and all other important elements of parenting a baby and toddler. A brilliant post. Looking forward to reading more x
Thanks Gemma! Was a labour of love to be sure.
I love it! And appear to be living it … #wineandboobs
lol ‘appear’ to be living it. Thanks for reading.
Oh Prabs. You are Mrs. Devine! Damn Mr. Man Flu. He’ll never understand the intensity we mums feel. You are sensationally comical!
Thank you soooo much!
Amazing post! I think I might have this condition too. I dread school events – sometimes I pretend I can’t get out of work when really I could, I just can’t face spending any more time at the school being judged by all the other parents #wineandboobs
I love your honesty. Thanks for reading!
What a well thought out post. Love it! I think all parents could be in some sort of headlines…and then there’s the ones on the “real” headlines that shouldn’t even have had children. Thanks for sharing your humor with #momsterslink. Hope to see you again this week!
glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.
This is great! At least it’s only failing to RSVP to birthday party invites, & not – shock horror – the mortal sin of RSVPing & then not taking your child! #wineandboobs
lol mortal sin! Try beating not RSVP’ing and turning up! V common in Malta.
I just love the term S.U.C.K.Y. Mother!! You sound tired, but very honest 🙂 #bigfatlinky
And my husband thought that was me trying too hard. Pah! What do men know?
I love the journalistic styling in this post. Probably the most honest piece of journalism I’ve read in years lol #bigfatlinky
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
lol it IS honest isn’t it? Ahem.
Still love this post, and still had a good giggle re-reading it!
Thank you for linking to #AnythingGoes
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Thanks Debs. Yes I realised it hadn’t quite down the ’rounds’ properly re the linkies.
Reading folder! B******$s! Totally forgot they have them. I wondered what that big crumpled mess at the bottom of his bag was.
I’m so glad it’s not just me.
As a stay at home dad, I have to say that SUCKY Father syndrome also exists. The only thing is, six weeks of having the kids at home is much more demanding than term time. Well, to me it is! Good luck with the school holidays. #BugFatLinky
lol I wish you the best of luck! Thanks for reading.
Absolutely hilarious! I only managed to turn in about 40% of my son’s reading logs this year. Poor child. No homework offense was ever his own fault – it was his disorganized mother’
So glad it’s not just me! Let’s be disorganised together then.
Love this! I’m dreading the end of nursery though… home for the summer yikes!
Hang in there sister!
shared this on my FB page. Very funny
Oh so glad!
Ooops D- for me. #bigfatlinky
Ahh the joys of school!!! Who knew there was so much involves (I say after the last 1 1/2 hrs of weekend has been spent on homework)
Love it. Come join my linky too #FridayFrolis for funny parenting posts 🙂 x
Oh I’m so glad you read it Claire! Your linky…it’s on my list 😉 Thanks for stopping by.
Hilarious post! I can only imagine the stress of hiving three kids – I find one hard enough. And luckily she’s not in school yet! #bigfatlinky
Love this especially the newspaper snippet made me have a good chuckle! #BigFatLinky
Haha, I hear that. My wife and I are already asking ourselves ‘What’s the earliest we can send him to school?’
#momsterslink
OMG really? You have all this to contend with! Thanks for stopping by.
You have lost it ha! Great post an honour to have it on #snotallaboutyou
lol it’s a bit horrifying really! Thanks. Honour’s all mine #snotallaboutyou